he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
