you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
