Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize