I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
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An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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