i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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