apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
