Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
