I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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