Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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