when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
