I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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