So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
