All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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