yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
