i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
