So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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