Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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