I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
