come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
