I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
