You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
