3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
