hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
