WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
