....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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