I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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