Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
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I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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