I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
