bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
