I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
