Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
