I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dick very happy bro
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
