Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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