But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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