I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
