is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
