so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
