woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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