you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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