so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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