You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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