I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
