I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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