you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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