shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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