The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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