You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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