OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
