either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
