At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
