my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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