Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
