So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
