I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
