we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
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If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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