why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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