Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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