Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
