Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
