he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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