oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
