Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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