I don't remember. Are we still dating?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
