If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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