Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
