My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
