Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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