Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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